Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Learning to Breathe Again

As I drove home last night from yoga, my heart was so full of love for everyone and everything around me.  My life felt perfect in that moment.

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I can honestly say that is how I feel after every yoga class at In Bliss, with Marti Lee or her daughter Starr.

It’s the combination of meditation and connecting my mind and body with my breath.  It sets me back up right and centers me no matter where my head is that day. 

One of the down sides to being a control freak is when things start to get out of line my brain starts to feel a little scrambled.  I feel a little wobbly.  Like I can’t think about any ONE thing clearly.  Everything starts to run together and get all junked up and then I start forgetting things or making mistakes which makes that control freak inside me CRAY CRAY!

Yoga irons it all out, puts things back in their place, restores order in my brain.

Get comfy, we’re going back in time….

In May of 2007, I had finished up my third semester of nursing school.  I only had one semester to go.  I had developed such bad panic attacks, from the stress and pressure of school, that I spent most of the next month and a half in the fetal position.  I didn’t even want to leave the house and sometimes I didn’t want Justin to leave the house because then I would be alone.  It was a scary, dark time.

I was very open with Justin about how I was feeling, even saying I wasn’t going to finish school, and by mid July we both decided I needed some help.  Justin recommended yoga.  So, I did a search for a yoga teacher that would do private lessons, in our home.

I didn’t want to leave the house.

That’s when I met Marti Lee.

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The moment she stepped in to our home, I felt the darkness start to lift.  She has such a powerful energy. 

I cried after that first class.  I think we may have all cried.  I felt overcome with hope and promise.

She came to our house twice a week for the next 6 months.  She taught me to meditate and how to breathe again.  She taught me mantras to get me through test anxiety and LIFE IN GENERAL.  I was a chanting fool!  Removing obstacles….bringing abundance.  Or even just the Om sound.  Feeling the vibrations of my own voice and using those vibrations to calm my nerves.

She taught me to love my body.  I was at my heaviest weight so I had a lot of negative feelings about myself.  She taught me to not focus on how FAT I was, but to give thanks to all the good things my body does for me.  So, I would lay in meditation, and starting at the top, give thanks to every single CELL in my body from my brain to my toe nails.

When I shifted my focus from judging myself from the outside to feeling gratitude for what’s inside, a sense of calm and love for myself washed over me.  I still practice this.

Once I was able to break through and connect mentally and emotionally with myself again, the physical postures of yoga started to mean more.

Balance postures teach me to be patient and nonjudgmental.

Hip openers allow me to release frustrations.

Warrior poses allow me to let go of aggression and feel powerful!

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Inversions allow me to feel fear and know that I can work through it.  Getting upside is NOT comfortable to me, but it’s important. Not just for my brain but for my circulatory and nervous system as well.

Every pose has something to offer and every class is different.  I can do so many more poses now than I could 6 years ago.

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I learned so much from Marti, but the most important thing she ever said to me was,

“You are in control of your thoughts.”

We always end our class in meditation and she would walk me through my thoughts, clearing the clutter, reminding me anytime I feel out of control or negative thoughts are creeping in to turn to my breathe.  I have everything I need right inside me.  I am in control of what I tell myself.

She also taught me how to LET GO of things I allow to weigh me down or that don’t bring abundance to my life so that I may be OPEN TO RECEIVE all the good that life has to offer.

Fast forwarding to now.

Competition prep is sooooo mental.  Negative thoughts can get overwhelming.  My brain can feel deep in clutter and messy.   While I’m not perfect, I hear Marti’s voice when I start picking on myself.  I AM IN CONTROL OF MY THOUGHTS.

Tionna takes yoga classes with me.  Her and I had an instant connection and I am so thankful for her friendship.  She also has a powerful energy….like a magnet!!  I love sharing yoga with her.  It has brought us so much closer.   As I laid in Shavasana last night, with Tionna next to me, I gave thanks to my body for being strong and healthy and allowing me to push it harder than I have before, I felt so full of love and happiness and peace.

Everything is right where it is supposed to be.  In this moment, I am doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing.

Allowing myself to be open and RECEIVE new people and new experiences has brought me Tionna.  I was scared to leave Hitch Fit and trust someone new.  Best decision EVER!

I am so THANKFUL!

4 comments:

  1. Beautiful post! Thanks for sharing :)

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  2. Thank you for sharing so much of yourself and your journey!
    I love yoga, and it did wonders for me mentally during my own contest prep. Beyond that, the life lessons available in each yoga session are humbling and gratifying. It's an awesome thing!

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  3. This is absolutely wonderful and SO amazingly true!! Much like everyone else who is spiraling higher in consciousness, I too know that I was led to InBliss to find a better meaning in life and a love for myself I never thought possible.

    ReplyDelete
  4. This is absolutely wonderful and SO amazingly true!! Much like everyone else who is spiraling higher in consciousness, I too know that I was led to InBliss to find a better meaning in life and a love for myself I never thought possible.

    ReplyDelete